|The first 'Gackt 100 Questions' that I translated was fairly-- normal--
but this one is completely off the wall. I think Gackt must have been in a
particularly strange, slippery mood when he answered these questions (even for him).
Obscure word play and strangeness abounds, and by the end I was feeling like every question
required about two pages worth of translator's notes (though I valiantly tried to keep these to a
minimum). Translator's notes are in [square brackets] everything else appeared in the original.
Popbeat tells us that guests have no more than five seconds to begin answering each question. (No thinking time).
One Hundred Questions and Answers
Popbeat Magazine, October 1999, translation by !Super Cat
If . . .
Q1. If you were a teacher, what would you teach and why?
A. Assassination, poisoning, health and physical education. I'm a specialist.
Q2. If you were helping out with club activities [extra curricular activities at Japanese schools, eg. drama club, kendo club, basketball club] which one would you take charge of and why?
A. The borabora club. I want to . . . do borabora. [Borabora is a made up word, like pururururu]
Q3. If you were a judge, who would you like to judge, and for what crime?
A. I'd put myself in jail to compensate for my bad behaviour.
Q4. If you were Dracula, whose blood would you like to suck?
A. If I drank blood, anyone would do. I'd drink from whoever was in my sight.
Q5. If you were a baseball player, which position would you play?
Q6. If you were the prince of a country, what is one characteristic that you would like that country to have?
A. I want to recreate Zion.
Q7. What would be the special product of that country?
Q8. If you became an anime character, which character would you become?
A. Pigumon. [The evil character from Ultraman]
Q9. What kind of miso soup do you like?
A. Asahi beer.
Q10. When you go home every day, what is the first thing you do?
A. Pinpon dash. [Japanese version of 'ring the doorbell and run away'. The sound of the doorbell is 'pinpon!']
Q11. How do you like your eggs, hard, or underdone?
Q12. A cockroach suddenly appears in front of you in your room, what do you do?
Q13. What is something that you do/have to do every day?
Q14. Other than candles, what is something that you collect?
A. Whips, rope tying techniques.
Q15. What is something that you can enjoy endless amounts of while eating rice?
A. A cute smile.
Q16. What is something that you think your room lacks?
Q17. How are your pet cat and your pet dog?
A. They're like a warzone.
Q18. Do you like your baths hot? Or cold?
A. Either is, kamehame ha! [Kamehameha is the war cry of one of the characters from the animation series Dragon Ball]
Q19. If you had to choose between a ganguro girl [ganguro means black face. It's a non-mainstream fashion for Japanese girls, especially in Shibuya, where they bleach their hair blonde and tan their skin so dark that it is almost black, then offset this look with extreme white eye makeup. Ganguro are known for being pushy, forward and very sexual] and a haraguro girl [a bitch], which would you choose?
A. If I had to, I'd choose a bitchy ganguro.
Q20. What is something that women possess (or do) that you like?
A. Like . . . it's the parts that stick out that make my heart pound.
Q21. What is something that women possess (or do) that you hate?
A. Hate . . . it's the part that doesn't stick out that makes me wish for more.
Q23. If you were cooking a woman dinner, what would you make her?
A. Koiyatsu. [Koi can mean strong tasting, as in, a strong coffee. Yatsu can mean 'thing'. But koi can also mean 'love' and yatsu can also mean 'guy'. So this answer has multiple meanings, a strong flavoured guy, love food, a guy in love, strong flavoured food]
Q24. If you were a woman, what is one thing that you would like to try?
A. Mocking men.
Q25. What kind of looks do you like in a woman (eg. face, hair, style, clothes)?
A. Long nails.
Q26. Something you don't want women to do?
A. Be out of my reach.
Q27. If you gave a ring to a girl, which finger would it be for?
Q28. Do you like sleeveless shirts, or miniskirts?
A. If I had to, I'd choose looseleaf.
Q29. Who is your dream date?
A. Erika Shishido. [A professional wrestler; she's half African American, half Japanese, massively muscled, built like a truck]
Q30. When and how did you come up with the idea for this song?
A. I was dancing wildly, going crazy, and I came, and then . . .
Q31. What was the trigger for the Latin mix of Vanilla? What is your attraction to Latin music?
A. In a loud voice, "Coffee." [No clue. The Japanese was exactly that: Oogoe de, 'Kohi.']
Q32. When you hear the word Vanilla, what do you think of?
Q34. The song Mizerable presented a different Gackt to the new song Vanilla. What kind of Gackt are you showing here?
A. Tutankhamen. [Too difficult to explain completely, this answer is a play on one of the words in the question-- ichimen, Tutankhamen.]
Q35. In the lyrics of Vanilla are the English words, specialist, moralist, egoist, ecologist. Which one suits you the best?
A. Gusto. Plus, it's cheap. [Gusto is the name of a cheap family restaurant chain in Japan, kind of like Denny's -- don't ask me what relevance this answer has to the question]
Q36. The promotional video of Vanilla is, in terms of design, a complete, self contained world. What was this world's image concept?
A. Consent. A consent with two holes, one bigger than the other. [Consent is the Japanese word for plug, or powerpoint, or wall socket (or whatever you call it in your part of the world). Gackt is playing with the similarity between the words consepto (concept) and consento (concent) in Japanese, and then stretching the meaning to make it sexual]
Q37. There are 26 beautiful women in the promotional video of Vanilla. Did you have a favourite?
A. Shinobu Kanori. [Another wrestler; however, she did not appear in the video]
Q38. In the promotional video of Vanilla, and at recent events, you have had an unsual blond, spiky hairstyle. What is the concept behind this hairstyle?
A. Super yasai jin. [This is a play on words. Super Saiyajin is a character from the animation series Dragonball-- he has the exact same hairstyle as Vanilla-Gackt. Also, the bad guys in Dragonball sport similar hairstyles, and they are named after different types of vegetables. Yasai means vegetable. Jin means person. Gackt's answer is 'Super vegetable people', but he is also playing with Sai-ya/ Ya-sai, and making a double Dragonball reference]
Q39. Tell us about something that happened during the recording.
A. I flew out the window.
Q40. When you're on stage, and you see your fans, how do you feel?
Q41. You sang a few new songs at the fan event recently. Will they appear on the new album [Mars]?
A. You'll have to wait and see.
Q42. Since the instore event, you've had many chances to meet your fans. How did that make you feel?
Q43. Was the Vanilla flamenco version your idea?
A. It was influenced by Pato-cyderia. [A song famous for being on an extremely cheesy commercial in Japan. It was written by Kobayashi Asei-- remember this name to understand the answer to the next question]
Q44. On July the 14th you will turn 459 years old. What is something you're going to do to mark the occasion?
A. A duet with Kobayashi Asei.
Q45. This year's New Year's Eve ushers in the new millenium. At the very moment when the clock strikes twelve, what do you want to be doing?
A. Looking at things slyly, side on, through lowered lashes.
Q46. Can you sleep well?
A. Sleep chooses me suddenly all the time.
Q47. Which game do you like?
A. Banguringu Bay.
Q48. How much money do you have to have not to panic that you're not carrying enough?
A. 5000 yen worth of coupons.
Q49. What does a man need in order to be popular with women?
A. A lot of HP. [Health Points/Hit Points, in a computer game this shows your character's power]
Q50. Have you ever run away from anything?
A. An innocent puppy.
Q51. What type of underwear are you wearing, boxers or briefs?
A. BVD. (With Body, Volume and Defense Mode).
Q52. Are you ever going to grow your hair?
A. It's always growing. It's growing now.
Q53. What's a gag that's a big hit for you now?
A. Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. (Tarzan scream)
Q54. How do you stay elegant?
A. Frequent carwash.
Q55. What's the best way to raise children?
A. Leave them, forget about them.
Q56. Give us advice on how to stay elegant after retirment?
A. Wash the interior of your car.
Q57. What's your BWH? [Bust, waist and hip measurements]
A. No comment. [Gackt uses the English No commento --cute]
Q58. What is your favourite brand?
A. BodyBody Wear.
Q59. Tell us which brand of silver you are always wearing?
A. No comment.
Q60. What do you drink [mix] with sake?
A. Rooftiles. [This is a play on words-- try and stay with me. In Japanese the word for "mix drinks" is waru. But waru can also mean "split". The word for rooftiles is kawara. Kawara waru refers to the practice of splitting rooftiles with a chop in karate. Gackt's answer is saying, "While I split sake, I split rooftiles," or, "while I mix drinks I split rooftiles."]
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