XI.

     The first time Gackt met him, Kami said, "Wow, are you a wrestler?" and ran his hand up Gackt's forearm.  Gackt, terrified (both by the greeting and by the idea of being thought a wrestler) began starving his body, horrified by it, until he was willow slender, supermodel slender, and after a while Kami began to look at him differently and say things like, "You're beautiful."

In France, filming Pays de Merveilles, they wandered off together still wearing the stupid costumes, stumbling over rocks because it was dark on the grounds of the enormous chateaux, and they had already drunk a bottle of the heady red wine.

Collapsing together somewhere dangerously near the lake, Kami was looking at him in that different way, and Gackt was conscious of his own heart beating.  "This place suits you," Kami told him.  The lake was silent in the darkness, and the laces of Kami's shirt were coming untied.

"I was born somewhere like this, hundreds of years ago," said Gackt.

"I believe you," said Kami.

Kami's kiss was sudden and awkward.  Stunned, it wasn't until he felt Kami's tongue against his lips that Gackt jerked back.

"I'm not--" said Gackt, not sure what to say.  But Kami was in his arms, and although they didn't, Kami smiled like he was in a fairy tale when Gackt told him that he loved him more than anyone and always wanted to be friends.

It was a kind of balm to his bruised soul, that Kami was in love with him, that Mana might be the leader of Malice Mizer, but that Kami wasn't in love with Mana. 

The first time Gackt met him, Taka said, "Oh, please," under his breath, and Gackt thought that Taka was the rudest person he had ever met.  But Taka had already infected Gackt with the fear that he might not be real. 
 
 

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